The best way to fix a broken relationship after cheating is actually to stop cheating and come out clean.
Cheating is undoubtedly one of the top, leading factors for many broken and failed relationships, it shakes up the very core of any romantic relationship but it doesn’t necessarily have to be that.
In essence, your relationship shouldn’t necessarily end because a partner cheated. For this to be so, many factors need to be taken into consideration. The vital ones will be considered in this article.
#1: Stop Cheating: As simple as this sounds, it has to be the first thing you need to reconcile with. You cannot want to save your relationship and continue cheating, it will only bring deep-seated anger, hurt, bitterness, and resentment. Cut off all ties with the other person, not only sexually but also emotionally, communication-wise, and other ‘perks. It is not an easy thing but needed to be done if you mean the business of making your relationship work.
#2: Come Clean: This has got to be the hardest part of it all but very important to do, you need to let your partner know what you have been up to, either you were caught, suspected or it is a personal decision. There will definitely be hurt and anger but it sets a clean template to repair what has been damaged, it also communicates honesty to your partner and gives way to an opportunity to make things right.
#3: Don’t Give Excuses: Many factors may indeed have led to your cheating but none is justifiable enough for cheating as it is a choice you made. Therefore, it is not the time to give excuses or blame your partner, instead, be remorseful and ready to change for the better.
#4: Sincerely Apologize: It is not enough to come clean about the cheating episode to your partner, you also have to be truly apologetic towards them. This is recognizing and accepting that what you did was a break of trust, agreement and a sacred oath, a sin against your partner, inflicting hurt and pain on your partner and a period of selfishness, you must also register your willingness to do what it takes to right your wrong. Ensure that your apology is sincere and doesn’t convey any hint of your partner being responsible for your misdemeanor.
#5: Be Transparent: THere is definitely going to be a lot of visitation to past events that have led to the cheating, there will also likely going to be a lot of unraveling of balls of lies that have been used to cover up the affair. Therefore, ensure that you are transparent, don’t bother to cover anything up again, no need withholding any information, and no need evading directly asked questions, you will just make things worse. Rather, be direct and open in order to help your relationship get rebuilt.
#6: Communicate: This is one of the greatest factors that lead to failed relationships and also sometimes, precede a cheating episode. Therefore, ensure that during the period when you are trying to bring your relationship to how it used to be, ensure to communicate successfully with your partner, know what is expected, what the present feelings are, and so on. Ensure that the communication gap isn’t given a chance, discuss explicitly with your partner.
#7: Keep Your Promises: One of the best ways to rebuild your relationship and the trust that was hitherto present is to keep to things you’ve promised to do. Ensure that wherever you say you’ll be at what time or whatever you say you’ll do at what time, keep to them. Don’t leave room for suspicion and second-guessing and don’t make far-fetched promises that you will find hard to keep. Take it one promise at a time.
#8: Give your Partner Time: Cheating destroys a lifetime build of trust, love, and care. Therefore, don’t try to rush the process of rebuilding, it may be slow but it will be worth it and totally better than a failed relationship. If your partner wants space or a time-out, respect the decision no matter how painful it may be, we heal differently. This doesn’t mean that there should be an indefinite time, it is just giving time and space for things to cool down, thoughts be processed and decisions made.
#9: Tackle the Root of the Infidelity Act: When you and your partner feel up to having difficult discussions, one of the things you need to discuss is the main reason why the cheating took place. The reason for this is because cheating is most times, not a spur-of-the-moment, spontaneous action. It is usually planned, premeditated, or thought through and most times attached to a factor on the home front. Therefore, it is important to discuss what caused the cheating episode and address it accordingly, especially to avoid history repeating itself. A good example is if the cheating partner did so because he feels he isn’t getting sexual satisfaction from his partner. While it is not enough justification, it still needs to be addressed and actions need to be taken to avoid the issue of cheating happening again.
#10: Move on: As the cheating partner, forgive yourself for cheating on your partner, don’t live in the shadow of your past action, look for constructive ways to rebuild your relationship, and let the past be truly left in the past. As the betrayed partner, if you have decided to forgive, then truly do. It is definitely not a day’s job, yet it is a process that you can record progress in, don’t refer to past events, learn to isolate issues that come up in your relationship and don’t see your partner in the light of a cheat anymore, see him as reborn and enjoy your newfound, rebuilt relationship.
#11: Seek Professional Help: As earlier said, we heal differently. Some have been able to move past the ghastly incidence of cheating all alone while some people just can’t navigate that murky water by themselves. Therefore, seek professional help if you feel the need for it.
#12: Be Positive: Regardless of how slow the healing process may be, always give your relationship a chance to work out, don’t be quick to give up or conclude that you’re not making progress. Give it time and stay optimistic.
Bury the unsavory memories. Start anew. Get to know each other better and devote time to intentionally making each other happy and contented.
Sometimes, it might be difficult to take this task heading. That is why speaking to a counselor might help you navigate this difficult phase. You can book a session here to speak with a counselor or find a counselor near you.