20 Relationship Questions Every Couple Should Answer

Do you know the most important relationship questions to ask that can make or mar the successful of your new relationship?

“The things you ask are more important than the things you could ever say,” Tom Freese.

Many couples fall into the error of doing everything but asking questions. They look for relationship advice everywhere. Sometimes they spend the time having so much fun, they forget what really matters. Except it is a one-night stand or a casual affair, most people enter into a relationship with the hope to succeed. People don’t generally enter into a relationship with a desire for it to fail.

But the problem is that most of the time, the desire is not translated into actions. A successful relationship requires putting in work and one way to put in work is to ask relevant questions in the relationship.

While it is indeed important to have fun and play around, it is equally important to spend time asking and answering relevant questions. Many people erroneously think physical when intimacy is mentioned, however, there is also emotional intimacy and the way to build that is by asking questions.

According to one expert on unhealthy relationships, Dr. Jill Murray, “Asking questions about your partner’s perspective and needs builds more intimacy almost immediately.”

So what are some of the questions you need to ask your partner to ensure a successful relationship?

20 Relationship Questions Every Couple Should Ask

  1. What was your first impression about me
  2. What attracted you to me
  3. Do you still feel the same way towards me like you did when we first met
  4. What do you like about me
  5. What is the one thing you don’t like about me
  6. What are your relationship values
  7. How important is communication to you
  8. How do you communicate
  9. Is alone time important to you
  10. Are you open to exploring sex and when is too much too much
  11. What were you like as a child
  12. What are your religious belief
  13. What is your relationship deal breaker
  14. How do you deal with misunderstanding in a relationship
  15. What are your principles when it relates to money
  16.  What do you enjoy doing

Now let’s dive into the relationship questions you can ask him or her.

#1: What was your first impression about me and what attracted you to me?

These two questions look similar but they are slightly different depending on how you and your partner fell in love. For some, their attraction was automatic or what is called ‘love at first sight.’ While for others, it took being around each other for a while before feelings developed.

For the later, you will be surprised to find what your partner thought of you at first. It could be a good or bad impression or a wrong or right impression because although first impressions last longer, they are not always right. It could inspire laughter or give you the opportunity to correct that impression – if wrong – and your partner is still carrying it. However, even in this case, there is usually something or a particular incident or series of incidences that made your partner fall in love with you.

In both cases, talking about what first attracted you to each other has been proven to strengthen relationships. This is because after a while, most relationships fall into a routine and some even begin to take each other for granted, but remembering what made you decide to be in each other’s lives can revive some of the excitement from the beginning.

#2: Do you still feel the same way as you felt about me at the beginning?

Most people might want to go there because they would rather not hear what they fear their partner would say. But it is important to know this as well. If the answer is in the negative, it might always mean the end, it could mean their feelings for you are stronger than it was at the beginning. If, however, it is completely negative, it would mean your relationship needs evaluation. There are certain things you each need to start doing to get back to that space that you used to be.

#3: What do you like about me?

This is good to know both for your relationship and for yourself as an individual. Self-evaluation is very important in general because it helps us be better people if we are truthful with it. What your partner likes about it are most probably your strengths and what that would mean is that you should keep it up.

#4: What don’t you like about me?

Similarly, to the point above, what your partner does not like about you would help you know your flaws and areas of weaknesses that you need to work on. This is not just beneficial for your relationship but we all need to strive to be better people always. Try not to get defensive because you might not like it but you might need to hear it.

#5: What makes you feel the most loved?

The answer to this question will give you an insight into ways to love your partner properly. The truth is many people who have issues in their relationship do not necessarily lack love in their relationship, but they do not know how to love their partner. This is why asking this question is important. According to Gary Chapman, author of “The Five Love Languages,” everybody has a love tank that needs to be filled. So knowing and doing what makes them feel loved will keep them happy in the relationship.

#6: What are your relationship values?

There are certain values that people in relationships imbibe and it is based on their preferences and of course, compromises as well. some people want friendship, some people want a dominant and submissive relationship, some people want a partnership. You need to know what your partner considers an ideal relationship so you can discuss it and know what you are getting into.

#7: How important is communication to you and how do you communicate?

Relationship experts would always count proper communication as one of the most ingredients of a successful relationship. You need to discuss how important communication is to your partner and how your partner prefers to communicate. Some people are not really as vocal about what they feel or think. You need to know this so you know the effective way to move forward.

#8: Is alone time and retaining individuality important to you?

For some people, alone time is everything and some people want to do everything together with their partner. Of course, being always alone, while in a relationship is not healthy but a little alone time is important for some to refresh. A couple needs to talk this out so they know where to make compromises, if necessary.

#9: Are you open to exploring during sex? What would consider too much?

You and your partner have to be on the same page as it relates to sex. Are you going to have sex in the relationship or wait till you get married? And what would you consider too much during sex? It is important to be sexually compatible.

#10: What were you like as a child?

The background of your partner can give you an insight or how your partner grew up and some of the philosophies that shaped his or her life. It would also create an avenue to share childhood stories and memories as well. It will make for a good laugh.

#11: What do you enjoy doing?

Of course, it is important to know your partner’s hobbies. You guys do not necessarily have to enjoy the same things. But you should want to do what each person enjoys once in a while. It strengthens the relationship. And sometimes, you should actually plan and surprising your partner with something they enjoy doing.

#12: If you didn’t have to worry about money and how lucrative a job is, what you rather do?

This will give you an insight into the dreams of your partner and also what they enjoy as in the point above. Many people will not do what they are doing presently if they do not have to worry about money. And although, many might not end up doing it, talking about it and being listened to will mean a lot to your partner.

#13: What are your principles as it relates to money?

Ambition is good and healthy but some people are very ambitious or even greedy. You need to find out if your partner can do anything for money or if they will stick to legal and moral ways to get their money. Are they someone who won’t mind stabbing a friend in the back to get money? You need to know this.

And less negatively, just their general principle as it relates to money will help you understand your partner better.

#14: What are your religious beliefs?

Some people do not think religious beliefs matter and truthfully, there are cases where the relationship worked, despite the religious differences. But this is usually the case when both parties are not necessarily too religious. For those who are, it might be quite tricky. If your religion is important to you, this is something you need to discuss even more seriously, in order to find a way to make it work.

#15: What are your deal breakers?

Many people have deal breakers. They have certain things that if their partner did, the relationship is over. Ask your partner about theirs, so you know what they can and cannot take in a relationship. 

#16: How would you deal with misunderstandings and quarrels that we have?

Misunderstandings are part of being in a relationship. The coming together of people with totally different backgrounds will have clashes. How it is resolved is of utmost importance. Is your partner one who will handle issues with silent treatment? Or talk it out immediately? Or need time to process their thoughts before speaking about it? You need to know all these so you are not caught by surprise.  

#17: Do you want children?

People erroneously believe that everyone wants children. Not everyone wants children, so you need to ask your partner that so you know whether you are on the same page.

#18: What are you short term goals and your long term goals?

The answer to this question will help you know what drives your partner and if you fit will still fit into his/her life in the long run and vice versa.

#19: What is your relationship like with your family?

Are they close to their family? Is family important to them? What are some of their family values? These are questions you need to know, especially as the relationship progresses.

#20: Do you want to get married someday?

A lot of people (especially women) avoid this question because they don’t want to sound desperate or scare their partner away. But it is important to know your partner’s stand on marriage. You don’t have to do it right away but is it something you both have in mind or you have decided not to bother with it. It is important to know.

This list is not exhaustive as there are many more questions to ask each other so as to understand your partner better or to know where you both stand on certain important issues.

However, note that a relationship is not an interview, so don’t bombard your partner with all these at once. If you are not in a long distance relationship, then knowing when to ask this question one at a time is important.

Take time to know each other and make it fun. Some of the questions are first date material and some, as you progress.

But whatever the case, don’t neglect to ask these important relationship questions as it will help you know your stand and guarantee a higher success rate in your relationships.


My name is Dr Bill, MA, MFT-C and I am a psychotherapist providing private relationship counseling.

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  1. April 1, 2019

    […] 20 Relationship Questions Every Couple Should Be Asking […]

  2. March 2, 2020

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